Mr. Smooth
I used to be a hairy guy, but 2 hours at a spa turned me into ...

JEFF ELDER
Staff Writer

At first I thought Style Editor Crystal Dempsey was asking me to spar.

We've come close to having a slapfight in the newsroom (I could take her), and she's been glowering lately.

She corrected my misunderstanding sweetly: "No stupid, a spa. Do you want to check out this new place near SouthPark — Roosters — that's part old-timey barber shop, part spa? Perfect for an ungroomed knuckle-dragger like you."

I have a confession: For some time, I've wanted to have my back waxed. I don't mind being bald — except when it hails. But I'm 42 going on Ed Asner. I just don't like my hind fur. I want to be smooth.

"Can I get my back waxed?" I asked meekly.

"That would really hurt," she said, a wide smile curling across her face. "Go for it."

The NFL, beer and manicures

The first thing I noticed about Roosters was the plasma TV showing football highlights. A guy hears "spa" and thinks: "Women talking about relationships. DON'T GO." Football was extremely reassuring.The music was a little wimpy, so I asked if they could put on something rockin'. On came AC/DC, the band of my youth. Someone placed a frosty mug of beer in my hand.

This was all right.

"You're going to need that beer when you get the back wax," said Roosters president Lawrence Bonhaus.

Leaning back for a hot shave

Debbie Kincaid, a barber with 30 years of experience, tilted me back in her old-fashioned chair and began to massage oil into my face. Then she coiled a hot towel across my mug.

Ahhhh.

The last time a woman shaved me, things did not go well. (That's all I'm going to say about that.)

But even though Bryan Adams was wailing "It cuts like a knife!" on the sound system, Kincaid made my face feel happy.

When she was done, I had the closest shave of my adult life. No stubble whatsoever. My face was as smooth and taut as a balloon. I glided my hand across it and grinned.

"That's the good part," Kincaid said. "Wait'll the back wax."

What about your head?

The ring of hair around my head has been about a quarter-inch long for the past year or so. I've sometimes wondered: Why not go all the way and shave the dome clean?So when Kincaid asked what I wanted to do, I looked at the other fellas in the room. "Should I go for it, shave it clean?"

"Hey, why not?" said one, sitting up in his chair. It was like I'd asked him if I should try to do a sweet jump on my bike.

"Your head doesn't have any big dips or bulges," another pointed out.

With this kind of support, I had to. "Let's do it, Debbie."

Ten minutes later my whole head was smooth. I might've looked like an egg, but I felt clean and confident.

"Looks great," Kincaid said. "Ready to get your back waxed?"

No pain, no ... AAARRGGHHH!

Michelle Saubier, a tan blonde in a sort of push-up lace tank top, waxed my back. She is one of the kindest women who has ever tortured me.

She led me to a back room, where I took off my shirt and lay on my stomach.

(I must point out something about the photos that accompany this story. You've heard the adage that the camera adds pounds.)

Dab, dab, dab — the hot wax hit my back. Smooth, smooth, smooth — Saubier applied the tape. Pat, pat, pat — her tan hands prepared to ...

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!

That was hair being torn from my screaming skin.

The good news: I did NOT cry.

The bad news: I appear to have passed out.

For the record, Style Editor Dempsey did urge me to take ibuprofen before they got medieval on my back. Do it.

Now, let your nails dry

After that slight irritation, we moved on to my fingernails.I'd never had a whattayacallit, handicure, before. Why would I? I always wanted to toughen up my mitts. (I have kinda girlie hands.)

But ya know what? It felt nice. I soaked my fingers in some kinda warm liquid and had another beer. Then Saubier "pushed back my cuticles." I have no idea what this means.

She buffed my nails and put on a little clear polish. (OK, say no to this, fellas. I was ridiculed for my shiny nails for several days.)

The hand massage at the end: This is a very, very fine thing, especially while sipping cold beer and watching TV.

Have a hand massage soon.

What are the damages?

All this cost $91, to which I added a tip of $19. So I walked out of Roosters a smooth man with relaxed hands and $110 less in my pocket.

"That is so cheap," Dempsey told me, compared with what women pay for a haircut and similar spa services.

To a guy like me, that's a lotta money. That's two real bad nights at poker. Or three sportcoats from eBay. Or dues for two fantasy football leagues.

But I've got a new look with the smooth dome. I achieved my dream/nightmare of a back wax. I drank beer.

Would I do it again? Sure — especially if I didn't have to pay.

When I left, Rich DeVita of Charlotte was using a gift card from his wife, Corrie. "It's a great way to unwind," he said, smiling contentedly from the barber chair.

"Have fun," I said, and turned to leave. Under my breath, I muttered, "Try the back wax."

Roosters Men's Grooming Center

Sharon Corners shopping center, across from SouthPark mall, at Fairview and Sharon roads. Weekdays: 9 a.m.-7 p.m.; Saturday: 8 a.m.-5 p.m. (704) 557-9008; a Ballantyne location opens in November. Click on www.roosterscharlotte.com .

Also Worth Checking Out

What to Tip

• A tip is a reward for good service. It is not mandatory. That said, some salons/spas may add a tip automatically if you're doing a half or full day of treatments. It's always good to ask what the tipping policy is when making an appointment.

• General guideline: Give 10 percent to 20 percent of the price of service.

• If you have multiple people working on you — say one person does shampoo, another does nails — give 10 percent to each person or ask that the tip be split. — CRYSTAL DEMPSEY News You Can Use

Bald, Beautiful 101

Your comb-over days are done. You've gone chrome dome. Consider yourself lucky: no more shampoo, detanglers, sprays, minoxidil or fancy boar hair brushes. The only worry now? Your head. Here are five tips for keeping it gleaming from Dr. Julio Gallo, medical director at The Miami Institute for Age Management & Intervention. — MADELEINE MARR, KNIGHT RIDDER

NOT SO FAST: "As hassle-free as the style appears, those who go close-shaven should take special precautions," Gallo says. Your first line of defense should be sunscreen with a Sun Protection Factor (SPF) of at least 30 applied liberally and often, regardless of how dark you are.

Attention, active sorts: "It's better to reapply lotion a few times during the day rather than an SPF of 45 or 60 just once," Gallo advises. How do sunscreens work? Basically, they lengthen the time you can stay in the sun. If you burn after 10 minutes, a cream with SPF 15 extends baking time to 2 1/2 hours (10 minutes x 15). Then again, if you're freaked, there's always spray tans.

HEY, HOT STUFF: A stylist may not be attached to your hip like fellow baldies Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel and Andre Agassi, so your grooming's pretty much up to you.

Before shaving what's left up there, hit the showers. "The hot water opens up the shafts and softens the hair, which significantly reduces the risk of irritation, cuts and razor burn," Gallo says.

BLADE RUNNERS: What kind of shaving instrument gives the kindest cut? The upshot seems to be that straight razors tend to get closer than disposables and electric ones, but the potential for hurting yourself is higher.

"People aren't used to the barber-style straight edge anymore," Gallo says. "They're less user-friendly." Be patient and allot the time, especially when maneuvering around your ears and the back of the head. Keep at least two mirrors by the sink and get a good quality pre-shave oil.

Can't hack it? Your local salon probably will charge you around $40. But going once a week — the suggested time between shaves — could add up.

OH, MY ACHING HEAD: You went and did the bald thing; now you have to live the consequences, the worst of which are unattractive nicks and cuts. "Your scalp is on display at all times now, so it's hard to hide imperfections," Gallo says. If this happens, tend to your wound, stop shaving for a while and let the stubble grow in.

For high-maintenance types, Gallo recommends ridding yourself of skin imperfections with microdermabrasion, a "mild sandblasting" ($150 a treatment for one hour). Zap persistent ingrown stragglers forever with laser hair removal (from $300-$400).

TAKE CARE: "The scalp isn't meant to be exposed," Gallo says. "That's why we have hair." So it's up to you to pamper it. Use a night cream a few times a month — or when your mate is out — with ingredients such as botanicals, antioxidants or essential oils, which all have a calming effect but could smell a tad strong. Sleep in a ski hat for extra insurance.

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